Battle with the body – VI | Aarti Krishnakumar

Imagine the worst thing you have gone through in life and then in the same breathe read this…

A girl [of about 16 yrs of age] is walking on the street to the post office in a metropolitan city when few other kids [school going girls] who are heading home look at her, point, sneer and comment something to each other before bursting into giggles. This girl halts in her steps and slows down, not wanting to be seen out in the open. She intact starts lurking in the shadow and waits for the girls, and everyone else on the street to go before heading on her way.

And then come these two guys on the bike, who are staring at her, slow down as they cross her and laugh as they sing “Kaththirikka kaththirikka gundu kaththirikka ..”

While these might just be passing moments in the passer by’s life, it leaves a lasting scar on the girl’s mind. She is left feeling so bad about herself, wondering why she is the way she is and if this is how her life is going to be. Not to forget the gazillion people who under the pretext of being nice and caring tell her she is fat and fugly and nobody would want to marry her. She becomes a recluse, stops going out other than to college, does not have any friends, does not talk to anyone, just sits in her room reading or drawing …. She hates going out with family cos they are embarrassed about her, she doesnt get clothes her size and needs to go to one of the plus size stores and there are people constantly giving her advice on how to lose weight, and why it is not nice to be big.

At a family function recently, an uncle [about 45yrs of age] came, sat next to her and initiated a conversation, asking her what she did, where was she studying etc. And then few minutes later asked her if she could get him some coffee. She got up and went towards the dining area. Suddenly she feels a hand under her kurti, turned around and saw it was the same uncle there groping her. She started protesting and wiggling out, but he held on tight and tried to push his hands up her breasts under the bra. She threw the cup of coffee on him and bolted back to the main hall looking for her mom. When she told her mom what had happened, her mom promptly gave her a reprimand saying she must have said or done something to provoke him. She writes that she started crying, but had to hold back tears till they got home an hour later… Says she felt alone and lost. Oh and few weeks before her 17th birthday, she even thought of committing suicide.. Why? Because clearly no one in this world loves her or cares about her… She managed to get through her birthday but says everyday is a struggle.

Born in a family where almost everyone is big built, she says it is surprising that nobody seems to understand what she is going through or empathises with her. She has joined a gym two weeks ago and goes early in the morning, finishes workout, showers changes and heads to college. Few days ago, a guy who works out there started talking to her, sharing his personal battle with the bulge and she says he is nice, we share our horror stories, laugh over it… maybe there is a friendship brewing there.

Well, if you think this is a cooked up story and such things don’t happen for real, let me stop you right there.. This was an email I received few days ago. I read, and re-read this email to make sure I was reading it right.. Could not believe that a mom would act this way with her own child.. I mean, wtf is wrong with the world. Why this obsession with size, why this assumption that big is fugly, why this discrimination?

Battle with the body – VI

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