Few weeks back, a post by a lady I follow caught my eye and had my attention as well. It is something that I have been talking about on the blog- body image, body shaming and how the so called society has defined certain rules of how a woman should look, what she should wear etc and how many women are still caught in this web and feel low /under confident etc…
This lady had put up a picture and spoke about how women need not confine to the rules laid down and women need to be able to feel confident in all they do. I somehow couldnt resist leaving a comment and then it went on to become quite a long discussion, going to and fro. It was almost like we were fighting the same fight but on two different sides of the table… Talking from each one’s point of view, we were at the end of the day saying the same thing.
She came from the skinny side and I from the chubby side of the fence.. that was the only difference between us. We were both from small towns where the chance of getting poked and made fun of was bigger than the city…
It did take me quite a few years to get over all the mocking and body shaming to come to this point where I love my body and am happy the way I am… Yes, I do diet, work out etc but all that is more from a continue to stay healthy perspective and lead a healthy life with no aches and pains…
I have friends who are thin [yes am using the word thin, because that is one the world understands]. But yet she feels she is heavy… From the time I have known her till date, she has never felt good about herself.. It is always something or the other… She refused to wear sleeveless because she had chubby forearms, she wouldn’t wear shorts for the same reason even though she loved em and would happily wear em at home.. She is now on a Keto diet [ who isnt, right?] and finally reached a level where she feels she has reached her desired size and wore a sleeveless blouse few weeks ago and showed it off..
Few days back when I was talking to a guy friend of mine, he casually asked me what I wear at night. I replied T-shirt and shorts and no undergarments.
He was quite surprised and we chatted for a few minutes, he felt strongly that it might not be appropriate for me to be dressed like that [even at home]. I kinda lost it , but kept my cool and debated it till he gave up… I mean, I know my limits, I am not the kind to strut about in skimpy clothes outside or go out on the street wearing clothes that did not suit me or were inappropriate. But then, I decide what I wear, and what is appropriate, not others..
Why are we all conditioned to follow invisible rules? I remember during my early years, I would wear frocks [ mom would get a whole batch of them stitched – I was broad and tall back then itself].. I would wear them to school on Friday[colour dress], would wear them after school on other days, out to play and so on. And then somewhere along the way it changed… Don’t remember if it happened before or after we moved to Chennai…
I slowly stopped wearing them, it was then onto school uniform [which was shirt pinafore] and into salwar kameez [which was also the school uniform in 11th & 12th stds]. For festivals and functions I would wear pavadai thavani [long skirt, blouse and a dupatta of sorts across like a saree pallu- half saree as it was called].. I distinctly remember mom saying I couldnt wear short sleeve blouses for the sarees, they were always upto my elbow, folding into an ugly crease at the elbow bend…
I don’t think I had an opinion on clothes, cos it was mom who always decided and got things done. Mom and gramma would go out shopping and come armed with salwar fabric and they would get stitched in similar fashion and I had clothes for the next few months sorted. The only variation was sometimes it was crepe and other times it was cotton. This is how life went on till I was done with college…
Now when I look back, I realise a lot of it is to do with the mind conditioning. I was told I was big and fat, and tall and so couldnt wear anything but salwar, nothing else suited or covered up the flabs. All this changed close to a decade ago when I started experimenting and my wardrobe changed…
What are the things you deal with or have fought against related to this? Do share…
This fight will go on and on without any end results. While the women suffer in one the men have different issues. Sometimes I feel animals in the jungle have a quality life than the humans though they are short.
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