Narcissism – the term gets thrown around a lot these days. But what many people don’t realize is that narcissism can manifest differently in men and women. While the core traits of grandiosity, lack of empathy, and need for admiration remain constant, the way these traits are expressed can vary greatly based on gender.
The Overt vs. Covert Dance
Traditionally, narcissism is portrayed as a loud, boastful personality. Think know-it-all CEOs or the guy who name-drops every chance he gets. This is the realm of the overt narcissist, typically male. They crave admiration and dominance, often resorting to intimidation to get what they want.
Women and narcissism, however, often lean towards the covert side. They might be the damsel in distress, manipulating situations to elicit sympathy and control. Think the friend who constantly needs rescuing but subtly undermines you. They might downplay their own achievements but subtly fish for compliments by playing the damsel in distress or the victim. They crave admiration but through a veil of insecurity or fragility.
Think of narcissism existing on a spectrum of overt (obvious) to covert (subtle). Men tend to lean more towards overt narcissism. They brag about their accomplishments, seek constant praise, and have a domineering presence. Imagine the stereotypical “alpha male” – that’s where overt narcissism often finds its home.
Attention Seeking: A Different Stage
Both genders crave validation, but how they seek it differs. Men might brag about their achievements, while women might prioritize compliments on their appearance. Women with covert narcissism might downplay their accomplishments to appear helpless, ultimately fishing for praise.
The Anger Spectrum
When their desires are thwarted, both genders can get angry. But the expression takes different forms. Overt narcissists might explode in rage, while covert narcissists might resort to passive-aggressive tactics, like the silent treatment or emotional manipulation.
It’s a Spectrum, Not a Binary
Remember, these are tendencies, not absolutes. There are narcissistic men who play the victim and narcissistic women who ooze outward confidence. The key is to be aware of the different masks’ narcissism can wear.
It’s Important to Remember
These are generalizations, of course. Not all men with narcissism will be loud and domineering, and not all women will be masters of the guilt trip. However, understanding these potential differences can help you identify narcissistic behaviour, regardless of gender.
If you suspect you’re in a relationship with someone who exhibits narcissistic traits, covert or overt, it’s important to seek professional guidance. Remember, narcissism is a complex issue, and a mental health professional can offer valuable support and resources.
Are You Dealing with a Narcissist?
If you suspect someone in your life is a narcissist, regardless of gender, here are some tips:
- Educate yourself: Understanding the signs of narcissism can help you navigate the situation.
- Set boundaries: Don’t be afraid to say no and limit contact if needed.
- Prioritize self-care: Narcissistic relationships can be draining. Take time for yourself to stay healthy and grounded.
Remember, you are not alone. There are resources available to help you deal with narcissism. With awareness and self-care, you can protect yourself from their manipulative tactics.
