Words fail me

Oct 5, 2010 | 43 comments

Yes, it does happen to me!! There is just one circumstance, situation where i am left speechless and have no clues what to say….. and this leaves me feeling helpless..Not a good feeling i tell you!
Everytime someone close to me passes away, or loses someone -am in this zone… I want to reach out, but the only way i know how to is “to be there for them”and let them know “they have a friend in me ready to listen to simply just be with them”…. All i say is “i know what you are going through or its ok, just remember you are not alone”…
I have no clues what to say, for i know nothing i say will make them feel better or bring back that person
and i hate anyone using the phrase “time heals“… i want to turn right back and ask them “does it really?”… Cos no matter what kind of a loss it is- be it heartbreak or death, time does not really heal anything….  so, this is one phrase you will Never hear from me! 
The past week, everyday i pick up the phone to call Ar, but i dont… We are quite close, infact we recently went on a trip together recently… We dont live in the same city, else i would have been at her house, by her side through this rough time…  She lost her mom few days back, and i can only begin to imagine what she must be going through…sigh…. 
Today is her birthday…. i sent her a message wishing her and letting her know i am unable to call for loss of words… my heart goes out to her, and i hope she knows she is not alone….!! 
Infact when i read about IHM‘s daughter passing away, it was a similar state… I dont know IHM too well, its only our interactions on blogworld and Twitter, but i did feel close, we connected on some level.. infact we used to discuss dogs on the street ever so often, putting up pics regularly on twitter.. 🙂 and she would send me bird pictures she had taken to identify those feathered creatures………. Well, i was shocked when i heard the news.. everytime she writes a post, i go, i read, and all i can comment is “hugs”.. “take care”…
How do you deal with such a circumstance?  Is there ever a right thing to say?

43 Comments

  1. Compassion Unlimitted
    Compassion Unlimitted on October 5, 2010 at 6:10 am

    At the outset ,sorry about it.Definitely its a difficult situation but the fact is time only heals,though one may hate to say.
    The only way is think of the happier times one spent,tho this thought too may leave one choked.But this is better than thinking of the demise.
    May the departed soul rest in peace

    TC

    CU

    Reply
  2. UmaS
    UmaS on October 5, 2010 at 6:37 am

    I dont think any word can make up for the loss of a dear one.

    Sometimes I try to be there with them, if possible…let them derive some strength from me, if it'll help them !!!

    Sorry abt your friend's loss…hugs and take care.

    Reply
  3. Anu
    Anu on October 5, 2010 at 6:44 am

    theres never anything u can say to ease the pain, and much as i hate to say it, time does heal it…. not the whole pain, for u can never really forget or get over it – its like a scar, but in time, it does get easier to manage, no matter how close the person who is gone…

    Reply
  4. Sandeep
    Sandeep on October 5, 2010 at 9:19 am

    at some point of time in life, one has to go through this phase.. and true to your words, it is not fair to quote, "Time heals" and i hate it..

    reached your posts through some links.. Great writing .. good luck

    Reply
  5. Lakshmi
    Lakshmi on October 5, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    just being there is all that matters..sorry to hear..

    Reply
  6. Anonymous
    Anonymous on October 5, 2010 at 4:56 pm

    hmmm…for situations like these only we have been given the power of silence and to let the actions speak loudest. A hug wud go a long way thn kind words. sorry to hear the news

    Reply
  7. pallavi
    pallavi on October 5, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    Seriously man… I don't understand why or how the Guy Up There manages to take away good people and leave behind weirdos and criminals.. such a pity!!!

    Reply
  8. Reema
    Reema on October 6, 2010 at 7:01 am

    Very true..words are useless in such times..I read IHM's posts regularly but I don't have anything else to say except the same old consolations..so I keep quiet and just pray to God to give her strength.

    Reply
  9. Shail
    Shail on October 6, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    so true..
    time heals, for sure, but the person who is suffering is not capable enough to understand it at that stage….
    words seems so small at times..
    sorry for ue friend's loss

    Reply
  10. rauf
    rauf on October 7, 2010 at 10:22 am

    i wanted to write about this but been putting it off as i am hurting too many people by talking straight Orteedee. My subject is something else but it involves death.

    Yes you feel bad you feel sad, you want to be with them. Tell me what else can you do. Would you advise them to travel with the dead to reach heaven and meet God ?
    Why they are not willing to go ?

    My dad is dead today we love him so much, he was a nice guy and he will go to heaven let us join him in his journey lets all die today.
    ok all his friends line up here, we are all going together.
    Have you ever heard of that ?
    Everybody including his own family would run away from the funeral.

    Nobody wants to go to heaven Orteedee, No one wants to be reborn to a better life. This life is fine for me i want to stay here and i don't want to die. Even the pope and the Shankaracharya would say the same.

    All you can do is be with your friend and realise that this will happen to me one day.

    Reply
  11. iamyuva
    iamyuva on October 8, 2010 at 3:14 am

    slience.
    shared moments.
    and memories..

    Reply
  12. Cathy Miller
    Cathy Miller on June 24, 2013 at 2:05 am

    Bear in mind that when you express condolence words, it should be brief and sincere. Mourners often feel isolated so it is better if you offer them to have some talking if they want it too. It is also great if you offer some help like cooking a meal or helping with housework.

    Reply
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