Why is putting yourself so hard?
Why is doing something for yourself difficult and not something that comes naturally to you?
Is it because all your life you’ve been conditioned to think about others, put others ahead of yourself? Along the way, you forget about your existence. Well, I was sailing in the same boat till a few years back, and since then it has been a slow but successful journey towards making myself a top priority!
I started changing the way I think, changing the way I function and paying more attention to myself. During the initial few days, it was quite difficult – because I was constantly feeling guilty whenever I was doing something for myself. I kept wondering if maybe I should be doing something for somebody else or something around the house or at least enquire with the people at home if they needed some help. Sigh
The mind plays games all the time, but then I have also realized it plays these games only because it has been conditioned, rather programmed to think in a certain way; to act in a certain way; to behave in a certain way – mainly because during our growing years, it has been ingrained in US to function that way or we have seen people around us do that and we assume that’s how we have to live a life.
In this post, I want to tell you that you do not have to feel guilty about putting yourself first.. Heck, that should be something that comes easily to you..
Put yourself first, always
Personal time out, taking a break, self-care, and a whole bunch of other related terms that are doing around these days.. I am glad, I am happy when I read these. just knowing that a person’s individual identity and their mental health is at the forefront or at least people are talking about it.. that said, how many of our families actually talk about this, how many of our families actually ask Each Other how they are feeling and doing and not just about what they want to eat or wherever they go or what they want to buy…
I know quite a few families including my own where this concept doesn’t even exist when they talked it is either about what the cook has made or what some distant relative sad date or whose child had a love marriage or whose marriage broke and their divorce now they would rather talk about this frivolous things or as a call them gossip about nonsensical things and talk about relevant important issues..
There are days when I feel low and I don’t feel like doing work or anything around the house and those days were difficult early on but now I just take it as it comes I let my body do what it wants to do and I am I just and am reading a book or watching a show online all day and I’m fine with it and I stick to my room I don’t sit around the house doing at because the people at home Jobs or they will come up to me and say why you don’t have work today how come you are not on calls..
Taking the call
I learned early on that it ok to lie it’s OK to cover up, especially if that can give you peace of mind, makes you smile, and do something that you love. it is OK to let people think what they want, and just go about doing your own thing.
Every day we make choices – sometimes we make them based on the situation and other times, based on those around us… but then we’re allowed to change your mind where allowed to change the decision, so, if somebody is gonna tell you “no changes allowed, you need to stick to earlier decisions”, just step to the side out of their line of vision and keep going.. move on, do what you intend to do and not what others expect you to do..
You are not irreplaceable… so stop thinking that!
Over the years, I have come to realize that people are happy as long as their lives or not disrupted, their routine is or not affected and honestly, they don’t really care about you or what you do with your life until it affects them, and then it blows up into a giant mountain of a problem..Is that something you allow to affect your decision? NO, you do not! Above all, it is ok to just step back and chill. People around you will figure a way to get what they want to be done, there are others who can step in and take over. Nothing or nobody will collapse if you don’t jump in and do what needs to be done!
If you spend a few minutes looking around your home, at the people that you live with – be it family, a friend, a partner, even grandparents you will notice that they are all happy as long as their routines are intact. so, if you are someone who is constantly thinking about others/ putting their priorities ahead of your own, then you need to see how much it affects your own life. How you have put your dreams and desires on the back burner to accommodate others. Most times, others would not have asked you or put a gun on your head, but you being you would put them first and do whatever you can to fulfill their wishes and make them happy. Is it healthy? Nope!
You lose a piece of yourself every single time you put yourself in the back seat and so I suggest you press the pause button, step back, think a bit, and change the priority items on the list so you put your needs/desires/wants/wishes on TOP – not as #2 or #3, but NUMERO UNO ..
Go on, try it! You will smile a lot more and be much more at ease, and at peace..
