It’s funny how you can look back at a photo from ten years ago and not just see a different face/body, but a completely different person. Not just in appearance, but in the way you carry yourself. The way you hold your head up. The confidence in your eyes.
For a long time, I was that person who constantly sought validation. I’d tiptoe around conversations, worried about saying the wrong thing. I’d go along with what others wanted, even if it meant sacrificing my own needs and wants. Whether it was in my personal life or my career, my decisions were often filtered through the lens of, “What will they think of me?”
And the truth is, it was exhausting. That constant need to please others, to fit into a mold that wasn’t my own, left me feeling like a chameleon in a world of solid-colored walls. I was always changing, always adapting, and losing a little bit of myself with every compromise.
It’s been a decade of work—a long, challenging, and incredibly rewarding journey to get to where I am today. It wasn’t a sudden, magical transformation. It was a slow, deliberate process of unlearning old habits and building new ones. It was a commitment to myself.
The Professional Front: Finding My Voice
In my career, I used to be the one who would nod along in meetings, even if I had a strong opinion. I was afraid of being seen as difficult or challenging the status quo. I’d hesitate before sharing an idea, convincing myself it wasn’t good enough.
The shift began when I started taking small steps. I would speak up in a meeting, just once, with a clear, well-thought-out point. I started saying no to projects that didn’t align with my goals or my bandwidth. With each small victory, my confidence grew. It was like a muscle I was finally using.
I learned that having a different perspective isn’t a weakness; it’s a strength. Being able to articulate my thoughts and stand by my ideas isn’t being “difficult”—it’s being a leader. Today, I can walk into any professional setting and trust in my abilities and my contributions. I can advocate for myself and my team without fear of judgment.
The Personal Front: Embracing My Authentic Self
The personal journey was even more profound. For years, I did things to please others—attended events I didn’t want to go to, maintained friendships out of obligation, and molded my personality to fit in.
The turning point came when I realized that the people who truly matter will love you for who you are, not for who you pretend to be. I started setting boundaries, a concept that used to feel selfish and rude. I started saying, “No, thank you” to invitations that didn’t bring me joy. I started prioritizing my own well-being over social obligations.
This was perhaps the hardest part of the journey. It meant facing the fear of disappointing others. But as I started to honor my own needs, I found a deep sense of peace. My relationships became more authentic, and the people in my life today are the ones who appreciate the real me.
Unapologetically Me
Today, I stand here, a decade older and a thousand times more confident. I’m no longer interested in pleasing everyone. My focus is on self-growth, self-respect, and self-love. I make decisions based on what is right for me, not what will earn me praise or approval.
This isn’t about being selfish; it’s about being whole. When you are whole, you have more to give to others. When you are confident in who you are, you can show up in the world as your best, most authentic self.
So, if you’re on a similar journey, know this: It takes time. It takes effort. It takes a lot of uncomfortable conversations with yourself. But the person you become on the other side is worth every single moment of the journey. They are unapologetically themselves, and that, in the end, is the greatest achievement of all.
What’s one thing you’ve done recently to build your confidence? Share it in the comments below!
